Dear Dr. Sears: It's not me, it's you.

Dear Dr. Sears: It's not me, it's you.

So I am breaking up with you Dr. Sears. I am breaking up with you, and your whole family of baby rearing experts, your rules, and your implied vision of what a good mother - and an attached child - should be. Your books are full of empty promises, they paint a picture of a mother that few if any women I know could live up to. And they neglect to mention that children are born with personalities and quirks and issues that do not grow directly from their early parenting, but instead these qualities make them uniquely themselves. Your parenting philosophy left me physically and emotionally exhausted from striving to fulfill a fantasy of the perfect mother that it took me years to realize was just that: a fantasy.

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Natural boundaries

A little piece I wrote about free range childhood.

"From the outside I'm sure it looks like I'm texting, zoning, ignoring. I'm sure the other parents are judging me. I can feel it. But really I'm thinking this is exactly what they need. Space to roam. Time to be unobserved. Room to test their own limits. Opportunities to make choices and succeed and sometimes get hurt. I think these moments are a gift to them and to myself."

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Unedited Holiday Cards

"What if the messages on our holiday cards were more like this: She is extremely cranky and making monster faces, He has dried crusty yogurt on his shirt and some serious dreds forming in the back, we haven't been out on a date in far too long and are starting to drive each other nuts. What if we wrote the truth: we're trying our best, there are glimpses of light and many days of dark, and man oh man this is hard. Do any of you nice people receiving this card want to babysit sometime?

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